THIS...BUT ALSO THAT

I think of all the things I want to do. For the first time in a short while, I am back to a place where I feel like I actually want to do things. Back to a place I am familiar and comfortable in... a plan making, hopeful, dreaming, optimistic place. But there is a twist this time... all of my goals and plans and hopes and dreams seem to all have a counterpart. Clashing hopes, hmmm.


I want to hurry through school and be able to teach... but I also want to go on an extended mission before I start teaching.

I want to buy a house and have "roots"... but I want to move around.

I want to have a baby... but I want to enjoy new marital bliss.

I want to go to Colorado... but I want to stay with Mountaineers for Christ in Morgantown.

I want to grow and deepen my relationship with my Father... but I also feel a desire to hold onto my (selfish) independence and pride.

I want to truly be a "team" with my husband... but much like with God, I want to hold onto my selfish and stubborn ways.

I want to keep our dog Cracker Jack... but I want to not have to vacuum and eat his fur every day and be free to go anywhere at anytime.


I suppose the right thing to say is: I don't know what I want. I want too many things at once. Too many colliding dreams. Not to mention that all of these dreams have to coexist with Loren's dreams... the beauty of marriage. :)


Honestly... I am just happy to be back to feeling like myself after a season of no motivation or desire.

there's nothing ever wrong, but nothing's ever right. such a cruel contradiction. i know i cross the lines, it's not easy to define. i'm born to indecision. there's always something new, some path i'm supposed to choose... with no particular rhyme or reason -- shinedown "burning bright"