SPINNING WHEELS

Don't ya just feel like you're spinning your wheels sometimes? I know I sure do. Actually, I feel that way more often than not, by my own fault, of course. I come to a point where I reflect on my life and think, "Am I really doing what I should be doing? Am I really contributing to something? Is my life leading to something?" And the answers I receive (from myself) are almost always the same. "Not really. Somewhat. In certain ways, hopefully."

"Am I really doing what I should be doing?"
This question always, without fail, pops into my head at about the mid-semester point. It's when I evaluate my school performance and realize that, in all honesty, it has been nothing to "woohoo!" about. But, it never really has been for me. And I think I am coming to a point (this is my 5th college year, it's about time I come to grips with myself, ha) where I can accept that. I know, and am okay with, that school is merely something I have to "get through". I don't like it, heaven knows I don't like it one bit. But I have to do it. So I soldier on... for years and years (longer than most, perhaps). Period.

"Am I really contributing to something?"
As far as my contribution is concerned -- it really just depends on what area of my life you choose to look at. If you look at my job - then nope. My job is really contributing nothing to society or my personal well-being. It is a job of laziness and boredom. A job that does nothing but interfere with my sleep schedule and keep me away from my marital bed 4 of 7 nights a week. On the other hand, I DO feel like I contribute to a worthy cause - church and Mountaineers for Christ. These two things, are of course, my favorite things. It is my lifeline. I have been heavily involved in both for 4 years now, and I become more involved with each year. I love every second of working with Loren in this campus ministry & I love every second of teaching the little kiddies about Jesus (and other wonderful bible characters :)). These things not only bring me closer to God, but bring my closer to my church body, and give me a better understanding of myself daily. Who could ask for more?

"Is my life leading to something?"
Ahh, the big question. Logically, of course my life is leading somewhere. All lives are. I am aging, that is a sure sign that I'm headed somewhere, even if it is only to my death... ha! But really, this question is a toughie. It's a combination of the prior two questions in my mind. I am making my way, however slowly, through my college education... which should lead to a career. I am in a wonderful new marital relationship (almost one year!) that is leading towards a lifetime of new experiences and ups and downs with my very best friend.I am working in a church body and working in my relationship with the Lord that is leading to eternal life. ----- SO to sum up, I suppose my life IS leading to something!

I think the moral of my story here... as it is with all of my wee-morning ranting posts... is that I lead a very blessed life, a life that is heading down a path. I just have trouble seeing that in the midst of all this day to day rubbish. I often feel like I'm simply spinning my wheels, and sure there are many areas in which I could always do better, but all in all -- in the words of Jo Dee Messina, "well I guess I'm doin' alright." ;o)